HER and CNM
HER is the largest dating app specifically designed for queer women, non-binary, and gender-diverse people. It excludes straight cis men, creating a space where the user base is entirely within the LGBTQ+ community. For queer CNM people, this matters: the social norms within HER's user base are significantly more CNM-tolerant than those on mainstream dating apps, even without any dedicated non-monogamy features.
HER is not a CNM platform. There are no relationship structure settings, no non-monogamy filters, no partner-linking function. CNM disclosure is manual, written into the bio, surfaced through prompts. But the community context is different enough from Bumble or Hinge that the experience of being CNM on HER is meaningfully easier.
CNM normalisation in the user base
Non-monogamy has substantially higher prevalence and normalisation within queer women's communities than in mainstream heterosexual culture. The reasons are multiple, longer history of building relationships outside conventional templates, stronger connection to feminist frameworks that question the ownership model of monogamy, and a community that has had to design relationship structures deliberately rather than inheriting them as defaults.
The practical result on HER: open relationship status, poly identification, and non-monogamy are common profile disclosures rather than unusual ones. You will encounter fewer surprised or hostile reactions to CNM disclosure than on mainstream apps. This doesn't mean everyone is CNM-open, the majority of users are still looking for monogamous relationships, but the ambient tolerance is genuinely different.
Features and profile tools
HER profiles include photos, a bio, and a set of optional information fields, relationship type, gender identity, pronouns, what you're looking for, and similar. The relationship type options include "open relationship" and "non-monogamous" among others, which gives some basic CNM signalling capacity beyond free-text bio.
Gender identity and pronoun options are more extensive than on most mainstream apps, this is one of HER's deliberate design choices and makes it significantly more usable for non-binary and trans users than alternatives that force binary gender selection.
Profile depth is moderate. Bios are short; the question and prompt system is less developed than OkCupid or Hinge. The match signal comes primarily from bio content and the relationship type field rather than any compatibility-matching system.
Community layer
HER has a social feed and community events layer that distinguishes it from pure dating apps. The feed allows users to post, comment, and interact beyond the matching interface, creating something more like a queer social network than a swipe-and-match tool.
The events feature lists queer community events in your area, which is directly relevant for CNM users: queer community events are one of the primary ways queer CNM people build community and meet potential partners, and having them surfaced in the same app as dating reduces friction.
The community features are inconsistently populated by city, in major queer communities (London, New York, Sydney, Toronto, San Francisco), they're active and useful; in smaller cities they can be sparse. Worth checking the app in your city to assess quality before committing to it as a primary platform.
User base and geography
HER's user base is strongest in major English-speaking cities with large and organised queer communities: London, New York, San Francisco, Sydney, Toronto, Melbourne, Los Angeles. In these markets, the active pool is large enough to function as a primary dating platform for queer CNM women and non-binary people.
Outside these cities, coverage drops off significantly. In smaller cities, mid-size markets, and non-English-speaking countries, the active pool can be thin enough to be a supplement at best. Check the app in your location before making it a centrepiece of your dating strategy.
The user base is entirely queer women, non-binary, and gender-diverse people. Straight cis men are excluded by design. Bisexual women navigating both straight and queer dating will use HER for the queer side and need separate platforms (OkCupid, Hinge, Feeld) for the rest.
Premium tier
HER Premium (~£14.99/month) unlocks: seeing who liked you, unlimited likes, read receipts, and profile boosts. For CNM users specifically, seeing who liked you is the most useful feature, it surfaces people who read your bio (including CNM disclosure) and responded positively, creating a pre-filtered pool.
The premium tier is moderately priced compared to Hinge or Tinder's equivalents, and the free tier is functional. For active users in cities with a real HER pool, the upgrade is worth considering; for users where the pool is thin, premium features don't change the underlying supply problem.
HER vs alternatives
HER vs Feeld: Feeld has explicit CNM infrastructure and a queer-inclusive design but a smaller user base in most cities. For queer women who are explicitly poly-identified and want CNM pre-filtering, Feeld is more efficient. HER provides broader reach within the queer women's community. Run both. See our Feeld review.
HER vs OkCupid: OkCupid has explicit relationship structure settings and a larger cross-orientation user base. For bisexual women navigating both sides of their dating, OkCupid is more versatile. For queer women who primarily want queer connections, HER's focused user base is an asset. See our OkCupid review.
HER vs Bumble: Bumble's user base includes straight cis men (on heterosexual matches); HER doesn't. For queer women who don't want to navigate a mixed straight/queer pool, HER is a better-focused environment. The CNM normalisation within HER is also higher.
Who should use it
HER is the right starting point for queer women and non-binary CNM people in cities with active queer communities. It's not a replacement for Feeld or OkCupid, it lacks the CNM infrastructure that makes those platforms efficient, but it provides access to a user base where CNM is more normalised than anywhere else in the mainstream app landscape.
Run it alongside Feeld for explicit CNM matching. Add OkCupid if you want the compatibility question system. In cities where HER's pool is thin, Feeld and OkCupid carry more weight.
Related: Feeld review · OkCupid review · Best apps for queer CNM · Best CNM dating apps