The reading list for non-monogamy has expanded considerably in the last decade. There are now enough books that the question isn't whether to read, it's where to start given what you actually need right now. This list is organised by problem rather than by prestige: which book is most useful depends on where you are and what you're trying to work out.
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If you're new and want the fundamentals
The Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
The book that introduced most people in English-speaking countries to the idea that non-monogamy could be practised thoughtfully and ethically. Now in its third edition, it's more comprehensive than the title suggests, less about sex specifically and more about how to navigate multiple intimate connections with integrity. The writing is warm and occasionally dated (it has the tone of its era) but the core content holds up. If you read one book before doing anything else, this is it.
Best for: complete beginners; people who need reassurance that CNM is a real thing people do well.
Polysecure, Jessica Fern
The book that shifted how the CNM community thinks about attachment. Fern applies attachment theory, secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised, specifically to polyamorous relationships, identifying the ways that each style plays out differently when you have multiple concurrent partnerships. More rigorous and less prescriptive than The Ethical Slut. If you've ever wondered why you keep having the same argument with different partners, this book probably has the relevant framework.
Best for: people six to eighteen months into CNM who are hitting recurring friction; anyone who's read enough pop psychology to find attachment theory useful.
More Than Two, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
Comprehensive, practical, and ethically rigorous in a way that was unusual when it was published. Covers agreements, boundaries, communication, jealousy, and relationship structure in detail. Note: Veaux was later publicly accused of serious ethical violations by former partners, which has made the book's reception complicated, readers aware of this often approach it critically, noting tensions between the book's stated ethics and its author's reported behaviour. The content itself remains useful; the context is worth knowing.
Best for: people who want practical depth on how to structure CNM relationships; read alongside something else for balance.
If you're interested in the psychology
Polysecure (again)
Worth listing twice, because for the psychological dimension it has no real competition in the CNM-specific literature.
Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Not a CNM book, it's a general attachment theory book aimed at mainstream readers. But it's an excellent primer on the concepts that Polysecure builds on, and it reads faster. If Polysecure feels like too much of a commitment upfront, Attached gives you the vocabulary.
Best for: people new to attachment theory who want a foundation before reading CNM-specific applications.
Rewriting the Rules, Meg-John Barker
A gentle but rigorous examination of the cultural scripts around relationships, monogamy, commitment, gender roles, friendship, and how those scripts shape what we think we want versus what we might actually want. Not prescriptive about CNM, but very good at helping people identify which of their assumptions are genuinely theirs and which they inherited. Barker writes with unusual clarity about complex ideas.
Best for: people who are questioning the relationship escalator rather than having already decided; anyone doing CNM for thoughtful reasons rather than circumstantial ones.
If you're dealing with jealousy
The Jealousy Workbook, Kathy Labriola
Exactly what it says. Structured exercises for identifying what triggers jealousy, what the jealousy is actually about (it's rarely about the thing that seems to trigger it), and how to work through it. Practical in a way that more philosophical books about jealousy aren't. Less useful if you want theory; very useful if you want to do something with the jealousy you already have.
Best for: people actively working through jealousy in an ongoing CNM relationship; people whose partners have asked them to.
Love in Abundance, Kathy Labriola
A broader introduction to polyamory from the same author, with a counselling-informed perspective. Covers communication, agreements, and conflict resolution as well as jealousy. More structured and less personal in tone than The Ethical Slut. Works well as a companion to it.
If you're in a long-term relationship opening up
Designer Relationships, Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson
Focused specifically on how couples design the terms of their open relationships, what agreements make sense, how to navigate the transition, what the common failure modes are. More practically specific than most CNM books, which tend toward broader philosophy. Useful for couples who have already decided to open and are figuring out how rather than whether.
Best for: established couples in the early stages of opening; people who want a structural rather than emotional focus.
Open Monogamy, Tammy Nelson
Aimed at couples considering or navigating consensual non-monogamy, with a therapeutic orientation. Nelson is a sex therapist and the book has a clinical sensibility, more measured in tone than the community-oriented CNM literature. Particularly useful for partners who are sceptical or ambivalent about CNM; it takes monogamous relationship norms seriously rather than treating them as something to overcome.
Best for: couples where one partner is more enthusiastic than the other; people who want a view that isn't advocacy.
If you're interested in solo polyamory or relationship anarchy
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator, Amy Gahran
The most comprehensive examination of what it means to step outside the default relationship trajectory, and what the alternatives actually look like in practice. Gahran interviewed hundreds of people in non-escalator relationships and the result is specific and grounded rather than aspirational. Very useful for people practising solo polyamory, relationship anarchy, or any structure that doesn't have obvious precedents to follow.
Best for: solo polyamorous people; anyone who finds the standard CNM literature too couple-centric.
If you want something more academic or theoretical
Pleasure Activism, adrienne maree brown
Not specifically about polyamory but deeply relevant, explores relationships, consent, desire, and ethical connection through a social justice lens. Brown writes from experience and the result is both intellectually serious and personal. Read by a lot of CNM people who find the mainstream poly literature too white, too suburban, and too couple-focused.
Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
An evolutionary biology argument that human beings are not naturally monogamous, we're more similar, sexually, to bonobos than to gibbons. The research has been contested, and the book is better understood as a provocation than a settled account. But it's a genuinely interesting provocation that has shaped how a lot of people think about the naturalness of monogamy as a baseline. Read it critically.
Best for: people interested in the evolutionary and anthropological dimension; people who want to argue about this at dinner parties.
What's worth skipping
A lot of newer CNM books are thin rehashes of The Ethical Slut that add a contemporary branding frame but not much else. If you've read the foundational texts and a book seems to be covering the same ground in a slightly trendier register, it probably is. The community also has a strong oral tradition, podcasts, Reddit, in-person communities, that often carries more current and specific knowledge than books, which lag by years.
The podcast recommendations and community resources are covered in the CNM mental health and support resources guide, which includes the best podcasts, forums, and therapist directories alongside the books.