This is a reference page, not a guide. It collects the most useful mental health and support resources for CNM people in one place, therapist directories, books worth reading, podcasts that are actually good, and communities where real support happens. If you're looking for guidance on finding a CNM-affirming therapist specifically, see our dedicated guide on that process.
Therapist directories
Kink Aware Professionals (KAP)
Maintained by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). The most established directory of therapists, counsellors, and other professionals who identify as kink-aware and are affirming of alternative relationship structures. Coverage skews toward the US but includes international listings. Kink-aware and CNM-affirming overlap heavily in practice, therapists listed here are usually comfortable with non-monogamy even when it's not explicitly listed.
Therapy Den
A therapist directory with explicit filtering for polyamory and open relationships as specialty areas. Good CNM-affirming therapist representation, particularly in the US. Allows filtering by location, sliding scale availability, and telehealth. One of the more reliable starting points for a US-based search.
Psychology Today therapist finder
The most widely used therapist directory in the US and UK. Search for "polyamory," "open relationships," or "ethical non-monogamy" as specialty terms in the profile search. Quality varies considerably, the specialty tags are self-reported, so cross-reference with the therapist's actual bio. Better as a starting point than a definitive source.
AASECT member directory
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists certifies practitioners with specific sexual health training. AASECT-certified therapists are a reasonable proxy for CNM-affirming practice, though the overlap isn't complete. Useful for finding sex therapists who are also CNM-aware.
Pink Therapy (UK)
A UK directory specifically for gender and sexually diverse clients, including CNM and kink. The most targeted UK resource for finding CNM-affirming therapists. Smaller than the US directories but more specifically relevant for UK-based people.
Open Path Collective
A directory of therapists who offer reduced-fee sessions (typically £30–£80 in the UK, $30–$80 in the US) to people who can't afford standard rates. Sliding scale and reduced-fee CNM-affirming therapy is hard to find; this directory helps.
Books
Polysecure, Jessica Fern
The most influential CNM book of the past decade. Applies attachment theory, secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised, to non-monogamous relationships. More practically useful than most CNM books because it gives you a framework for understanding your own patterns rather than just describing relationship structures. The HEARTS model in the second half is worth the read alone. Recommended for everyone in CNM, but especially useful if you're experiencing repeated patterns of difficulty that you can't fully explain.
The Ethical Slut, Hardy and Easton
The foundational text. First published in 1997, revised twice since. Covers the philosophical and practical case for ethical non-monogamy across a wide range of relationship structures. Somewhat dated in places, the third edition (2017) updates the earlier versions but some of the cultural framing is still very 1990s Bay Area. Still worth reading as the document that named and shaped the modern CNM conversation.
Polysecure Workbook, Jessica Fern
A companion workbook to Polysecure. More practically oriented, exercises designed to help you identify your attachment patterns and apply the HEARTS framework to your actual relationships. More useful after reading the main book.
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator, Amy Gahran
An empirical look at relationship structures outside the standard escalator (meet, date exclusively, move in, marry, etc.), based on survey data from hundreds of people in non-traditional relationships. Particularly useful for people who are solo poly or relationship anarchist, or who are questioning whether conventional relationship structures are right for them. More descriptive than prescriptive.
More Than Two, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
Has a complicated reputation in the CNM community following the 2019 allegations against co-author Franklin Veaux. The book itself contains genuinely useful content on consent, agency, and ethical practice in CNM, but reading it knowing the context matters. Some people find it still valuable; others prefer not to engage with it given the circumstances of its creation.
Love's Not Colour Blind, Kevin Patterson
Addresses race and racism within CNM communities, a perspective that has been largely absent from the major CNM texts. Patterson examines how racial dynamics play out in polyamorous relationships and communities. Recommended reading for CNM people who want to understand the community's blind spots more fully.
Polysingle, Joli Hamilton
Specifically for solo polyamorous people. Covers the unique challenges of solo poly, independence, the pressure to escalate, finding partners who are genuinely comfortable with the solo poly structure. One of the few CNM books focused specifically on this relationship style rather than using coupled poly as the default.
Podcasts
Multiamory
The most consistently produced CNM podcast, hundreds of episodes covering practical relationship skills, emotional processing, specific CNM challenges, and community debates. Hosted by three people in various CNM configurations. Research-informed without being dry. A good starting point for people new to CNM and a reliable resource for experienced practitioners dealing with specific situations.
Normalizing Non-Monogamy
Interview format, hosts a wide range of guests in different CNM configurations. More diverse in perspective than most CNM podcasts, with good coverage of CNM across different racial, economic, and lifestyle contexts. Useful for broadening your picture of how CNM actually looks across communities.
Relationship Anarchy Podcast
One of the few podcasts specifically focused on relationship anarchy rather than the broader CNM umbrella. Covers RA philosophy, practical application, and the tensions between RA and other CNM structures. Recommended for anyone who finds conventional CNM frameworks too prescriptive.
Swinging Downunder
For the lifestyle and swinging community specifically. Covers the practical realities of swinging, lifestyle events, couple dynamics, and community culture. A rare resource that takes the swinging community seriously rather than treating it as a curiosity.
The Nonmonogamy Help Podcast
Companion podcast to the NonMonogamyHelp.com advice column. Question-and-answer format, specific CNM situations submitted by listeners and addressed by host Liz Powell. Good for people dealing with particular challenges who want to hear how similar situations have been navigated.
Online communities
r/polyamory
The largest English-language online polyamory community. Active advice threads, regular megathreads on specific topics, and a generally supportive culture. Moderation has improved in recent years. Skews younger and more progressive; less representative of the swinging and lifestyle communities. Worth monitoring even if you're not polyamorous, many threads cover CNM challenges that apply across relationship structures.
r/nonmonogamy
Broader than r/polyamory, covers the full range of CNM relationship structures including open relationships, swinging, and relationship anarchy alongside polyamory. Less active than r/polyamory but more representative of the full CNM spectrum.
r/Swingers
The main Reddit community for the swinging and lifestyle community. Practical advice threads, club and event discussions, and significant community knowledge. The lived experience represented here is distinct from the poly-oriented subreddits.
Fetlife (kink/CNM overlap)
The dominant kink social network. Relevant for CNM people with kink interests and for people in the leather and BDSM communities where CNM is widely normalised. Local groups on Fetlife are often the best way to find kink-and-CNM-adjacent events and community in a specific city.
Facebook groups
Despite the platform's age, Facebook remains one of the most active spaces for CNM community discussion. Useful groups include city-specific polyamory groups, relationship anarchy groups, and support groups for specific CNM situations (CNM parents, long-distance CNM, solo poly). Discoverable via group search, the quality varies considerably but the active moderated groups can be genuinely supportive.
Crisis and urgent support
If you're in crisis, whether related to your CNM relationships or otherwise, mainstream crisis services apply regardless of relationship structure. In the UK: Samaritans (116 123, available 24/7). In the US: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988).
The Trevor Project (US) specifically supports LGBTQ+ young people, many of whom are also CNM or exploring CNM. Text START to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386.
If you're experiencing relationship abuse or coercive control, which can occur in CNM relationships as in any others, domestic abuse services apply regardless of your relationship structure. In the UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247). In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).