Anchor partner A partner who provides stability and grounding — not necessarily a primary partner in a hierarchical sense, but someone whose relationship forms a stable foundation in your life. Used particularly in solo poly contexts as an alternative framing to 'primary'.
Comet relationship A relationship that exists in bursts — partners who come together intensely when proximity allows, then orbit separately for periods of time. Often used for long-distance connections or people with infrequent availability who maintain a meaningful connection regardless.
Compersion The feeling of joy or happiness you experience because a partner is experiencing joy with someone else. Sometimes described as the opposite of jealousy. One of the most discussed concepts in polyamory — reaching genuine compersion often takes time and is not universal or mandatory.
Cowboy / Cowgirl Derogatory term in poly communities for someone who pursues people in existing CNM relationships with the aim of pulling them away into a monogamous relationship. Named for the practice of 'cutting cattle from the herd'.
DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) A relationship agreement where one or more partners are permitted to have other connections but are not expected or wanted to share information about them. Common in some open relationships. Controversial in poly communities, as it can prevent necessary communication and conflict resolution.
Dyad A two-person relationship. Used when distinguishing a specific pair within a larger network — e.g., 'the dyad between A and B' when A, B, and C are all connected.
Escalator, relationship The cultural script that says relationships should follow a linear progression: dating → exclusivity → cohabitation → marriage → children. Relationship anarchists explicitly reject this. Many CNM people question which steps (if any) apply to their connections.
Fluid bonding Sexual activity without barrier methods (e.g., condoms), typically within a specific, tested, and agreed group. Fluid bonding decisions involve ongoing testing, transparent communication about other partners, and shared agreement. Not equivalent to 'no protection' — it's a deliberate, negotiated arrangement.
Hierarchical polyamory A polyamorous structure in which relationships are explicitly ranked. A primary partner typically has more time, priority, and involvement in major life decisions. Secondary partners are meaningful but have defined constraints. Some people find hierarchy practical; others find it limiting. Compare: non-hierarchical polyamory.
Hinge In a V-relationship, the person in the middle — connected to both other partners but where the other two partners are not directly connected to each other. The hinge has the most complex position in the dynamic.
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) A polyamorous style where all partners, metamours, and connections know each other well enough to sit around the kitchen table together comfortably. Warmth and genuine connection across the network is valued. Compare: parallel polyamory.
Lifestyle, the Community term used within swinging culture to refer to the broader swinging world. Being 'in the lifestyle' or 'lifestyle-friendly' signals openness to swinging connections. Often used in club names, event titles, and platform categories.
Metamour Your partner's partner, with whom you have no direct romantic or sexual relationship. Your relationship with your metamour is its own thing — it can range from close friendship to polite strangers. In kitchen table poly, metamour relationships are often deliberately cultivated. In parallel poly, they may remain minimal.
Mono/poly A relationship dynamic where one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous. Both partners are aware of and consent to the arrangement. The monogamous partner does not pursue other relationships; the poly partner does. Requires particular care around equity and emotional capacity.
Monogamish Term coined by Dan Savage. Primarily monogamous partnerships with agreed-upon exceptions — typically rare or specific sexual encounters outside the primary relationship. Less structured than open relationships; more flexible than strict monogamy.
Munch A casual, non-sexual social meetup for people in kink or CNM communities. Typically held in a public venue like a pub or café. Munches are entry points for new community members — no experience, fetish gear, or partner required.
New relationship energy (NRE) The intense, often euphoric feeling associated with the early stages of a new romantic or sexual connection. Characterised by heightened focus, ideation, and emotional intensity. NRE is real and pleasurable, but can temporarily affect judgment and attention to existing relationships. Often discussed in poly contexts because managing NRE's effect on existing partnerships requires awareness.
Non-hierarchical polyamory A polyamorous approach where no relationship is formally ranked above another. Partners are not designated as primary or secondary. All relationships are approached with openness to growth. Compare: hierarchical polyamory.
One-penis policy (OPP) An agreement in which a male-female couple allows the woman to have female partners but prohibits male partners outside the couple. Widely criticised in CNM communities as rooted in insecurity and as inconsistently applied. Often indicates unresolved possessiveness rather than a genuine agreement.
Parallel polyamory A polyamorous style where partners know each other exist but don't actively cultivate relationships across the network. Connections are meaningful but run separately. Compare: kitchen table polyamory.
Play Sexual or kink activity. 'Playing with someone', 'a play partner', or 'play space' are common constructions. The term is neutral and matter-of-fact — it doesn't trivialise the activity; it's just the community's vocabulary.
Polycule The full network of people connected through polyamorous relationships — not just direct partners, but their partners, and so on. The shape of a polycule can vary enormously: a V, a W, a loop, a hub-and-spoke. The term comes from 'polyamorous molecule' — like a chemical diagram of connected atoms.
Relationship anarchy (RA) A philosophy that rejects pre-set hierarchies between relationship types. Rather than applying existing labels (friend, romantic partner, primary) to relationships, RA practitioners design each connection on its own terms. Romantic and platonic distinctions may be deemphasised or abandoned entirely. RA is not the same as 'no commitment' — it's about intentional commitment on terms that fit the actual people involved.
Solo polyamory Practising polyamory with an emphasis on personal autonomy and independence. Solo poly people typically don't seek an anchor or primary partner, prefer to live independently, and don't expect relationships to follow the escalator. The 'solo' refers to the structure of one's own life — not isolation.
Triad Three people all in relationship with each other. All three connections exist: A-B, B-C, and A-C. Also sometimes called a throuple (though this term is not universal). Triads are often idealised by new CNM explorers — in practice, they require considerable communication and are less common as stable long-term structures than the fantasy suggests.
Unicorn A bisexual woman willing to join an existing couple as an equal third partner. Called a unicorn because the idealised version (available, undemanding, perfectly compatible with both) is extremely rare. 'Unicorn hunting' — couples seeking such a person — is widely criticised because it often treats the third person as a relationship tool rather than an individual with their own needs.
Vee (V) A three-person relationship structure where one person (the hinge) is connected to two others, but those two others are not directly connected to each other. Shaped like the letter V. The hinge has the most complex role in the dynamic.