The quick answer
If you're in London, New York, Berlin, or another major city and primarily identify as polyamorous or kink-curious: Feeld. The specialist network and CNM-fluent culture matter.
If you're in a smaller city, or you want access to a larger overall pool of people who've selected for CNM-openness alongside a broader range of relationship seekers: OkCupid. Its non-monogamy filters and user scale give it real utility outside of CNM hotspots.
For most serious CNM daters, the right answer is both — they serve different purposes and the overlap in users is not as large as you'd expect.
Side-by-side comparison
| Criteria | Feeld | OkCupid |
|---|---|---|
| CNM user base | Core audience — CNM is the reason the platform exists | Large and growing, but one segment of a broader user base |
| Overall user base | 2M+ active users; strongest in major cities | Significantly larger globally; better coverage in smaller cities |
| Profile depth (CNM) | Strong — Desires system, relationship structure options | Good — non-monogamy filters, relationship structure questions |
| Gender/orientation options | Extensive | Good, but less granular than Feeld |
| Verification | Email only | Email only |
| Free tier utility | Limited — quickly hits paywalls | More functional; you can see who liked you free |
| Premium cost (approx.) | ~£15/month | ~£20–25/month for OkCupid Premium |
| Community culture | CNM-native; expects CNM vocabulary and norms | Mixed; some CNM community, some CNM-curious mainstream users |
| Swinging/lifestyle users | Present but not the core audience | Present but not the core audience |
| Best for | Urban CNM users, poly, kink, queer communities | Smaller cities, broader reach, CNM-adjacent users |
User base: where this comparison actually lives
Both platforms have similar verification — email-only, no meaningful identity check. Both have similar moderation limitations at scale. The decisive variable for most users is network composition: who's actually there.
Feeld's network is concentrated in CNM. The people using it self-identify as CNM practitioners. The culture of the app reflects this — profiles assume CNM familiarity, conversations tend to be more direct about what people are looking for.
OkCupid's CNM users are a meaningful and growing segment within a much larger general user base. The platform added non-monogamy relationship status options in 2016 and has expanded them since. The CNM population on OkCupid is real — but the surrounding context is mainstream dating, which changes the cultural dynamics somewhat.
Outside major cities
This is where OkCupid's advantage becomes most concrete. Feeld's active user base thins significantly outside of major metropolitan areas. In cities like Leeds, Edinburgh, or Bristol (UK), the pool is smaller than most users want.
OkCupid's larger overall base means CNM users in smaller cities have better odds of finding meaningful matches. It's not a perfect solution — the culture is more mixed — but there are simply more people there.
Conclusion
If you can only choose one: Feeld for major cities, OkCupid for smaller ones. If you're serious about CNM dating, running both is a reasonable approach — the investment of time and money is manageable, and the user overlap is lower than most people assume.